The Hamster Wheel

July 22, 2013

I knew things were about to get ugly. Everything just seemed so… loud. Conversations became labored and my stare became vacant. I had a meltdown while vacuuming the living room. The hamster wheel in my brain came to a screeching halt.

You see, for two straight weeks, I spent each moment with another person. For a while I blended in with the best of them. But after a few days, my body and my brain were both fatigued. The symptoms were familiar: I was suffering from extrovert impostor syndrome.

Recognizing the signs, I said something like, Tomorrow is Mallory Day! Just me and my Netflix account!

This always sends my loved ones into a state of alarm. Alone time? What did we do to upset you? Do you need a HUG?! More often than I’d like, I am guilted into giving up those savory bits of quiet for a few more hours of socialization.

So what’s an introvert to do?

You find a socially acceptable form of solitude.

I had this epiphany for the first time back in November. Thanksgiving was around the corner, my family was in town, and I was getting also getting married. People wanted to spend time with me. Lots of it. It was beautiful and flattering… and draining. My saving grace was the stupid awesome idea to run a 10K race just two days before the wedding.

Much to my delight, running in this race was the only alone time I found all week. I had time to actually process the milestone that was right ahead of me. More importantly, no one gave me crap for being quiet.

Find your own way to retreat. Maybe for you it’s practicing an instrument, writing, or playing a video game. For me, it’s putting on a pair of sneaks and running along with the hamster spinning on the wheel in my brain. Running is time to exercise my legs, my lungs, and my mind. It’s glorious, zenlike alone time.

And no one is going to give you hard time for taking care of yourself. That is, as long as it’s cool.

hamster wheel


July 22, 2013 @ 5:36 pm

Challenge accepted! Mallory, I love this idea! I need to make sure I find my alone space. It may not be running, but I will find a routine that will help me get fit AND feed my introversion.

    July 23, 2013 @ 8:30 am

    Great, Laurie! The endorphin release mixed with a healthy dose of solitude does wonders for the energy levels! Cheers!

July 22, 2013 @ 7:12 pm

:-) Great post Mallory! My daughter is an introvert and is very protective of her “bubble” – even as a little girl she would ask me to keep others out of her bubble & still at 17 declines tons of invitations because she is enjoying her bubble time. Alone time while running, reading or painting- she owns, protects & respects it. So glad she makes her happiness a priority and that you have found a method that works for you as well! Best-T

    July 23, 2013 @ 8:32 am

    Thanks, T! I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with running– but I can’t deny the good it does for my energy and sanity! Glad your daughter has someone like you to support her introspection. Cheers!

July 22, 2013 @ 8:09 pm

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